Blog Post

What to do with ashes following a cremation?

  • by M SHAW
  • 04 Oct, 2022

What choices do you have about someone's cremated remains (ashes) following cremation? 

Following a cremation, there is always a choice about what to do with the person’s cremated remains – usually referred to as ashes.

There is no need to make any immediate decision at the time of arranging the funeral. It may be that you are much better placed to make a suitable decision once the funeral is passed and you have time to think about this choice.

Ashes are usually available 24 hours after the cremation time and can be collected by the applicant (or nominated person) either from the crematorium or from our funeral home depending on what has been agreed. They will come in a temporary box or container which is perfectly adequate. However should you wish an urn or scatter tube, we can arrange this for you. We also have a selection of options whether custom made jewellery or small keep sake urns for those who would like to retain a small portion of ashes.

We are often asked about the identity of ashes and how much certainty there is about whose ashes you get back. We have all seen the process of cremation and the identity and care of the ashes can be guaranteed. Each crematorium is subject to inspection by a regulator to ensure that their robust identification processes and being carried out reliably.

For some the decision about ashes will be obvious. Perhaps previous family members have had ashes scattered at the Garden of Remembrance, interred in a family lair or taken to some special place of significance.

Some people may wish to retain ashes at home. There may be a comfort from knowing they can stay with you in the meantime. Some couples may choose that the ashes of whoever dies first will be kept until the death of the other partner so that their ashes can be taken to the same place at the same time.

In Aberdeen, both the Garden of Remembrance at Aberdeen Crematorium, Hazlehead, and the former Kaimhill Crematorium, have maintained gardens where ashes can be taken for scattering. You can do this yourself or with the assistance either of our staff or crematorium staff. If you have no wish to be present during the scattering of ashes, it can be done on your behalf a few days after the cremation.  Often families will re-visit these spots at important dates or anniversaries to lay a flower or just to remember. The gardens are always open and you are always free to go to them.

Where ashes are to be interred in a new or existing grave, we need to apply to the relevant burial authority with permission of the lairholder. We can assist you with this, and there will be a fee chargeable by the Local Authority.  The interment of ashes will then be recorded against the records for that grave, and if you wish their name can be added to the gravestone.

When you are scattering or interring ashes, there is no need to have any formal ceremony. You may however wish to ask the minister or celebrant who lead the funeral service to be present and say a few words. We can also have one of our own staff join you for the interment and read a short committal or remembrance piece.

For those who are thinking about taking ashes to scatter in other areas, we would always highlight that the land owners permission should be sought. This may be difficult to obtain in some cases. Depending on the location, families may simply choose a quiet time and spot for a discreet scattering of ashes. Please bear in mind however that there is of course no formal record of that the ashes are on that ground, and in the event of any future change to that land such as development or landscaping, you would have no right to raise a concern.

People who have been at sea whether through work or recreation often wish to have their ashes scattered at sea. This can be done from a pier or shoreline, or you may wish to charter a boat which can take you out to sea to do this.

Those wishing to take ashes abroad should ask us to arrange a customs certificate. Ashes can then usually be transported with the customs certificate and a copy of the death certificate as hand luggage. It is advisable to check if your airline will have any specific requirements, or if your country of destination have any local regulations to adhere to.

For those more adventurous, you can have your ashes incorporated into fireworks and you can be part of a bright and colourful display for those who are missing you!

It is not unusual for a family to still have a relatives ashes many years after cremation. While there is no requirement in any way that they be scattered or interred, often it is just a case of never having found the right time, or right location. It can even be that when another family member dies or perhaps a house is sold that family is again faced with the decision as to what to do with ashes. We are happy to help even in such older cases.

Also, remember that regardless of what you do with ashes, you have the opportunity to put an entry in the Book of Remembrance at Aberdeen Crematorium for your loved one. This is arranged if required via bereavement services, or we can assist with it.

For further discussion about your specific wishes, whether following a recent funeral, or perhaps a cremation from sometime ago but where the ashes have still not been dealt with, please let us know how we can help.

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Funeral customs and traditions vary greatly both over time and from region to region. Funeral traditions relate to many other studies in history, geography, religion and sociology. Even in Scotland, traditions and customs vary greatly from one end of the country to the next.

We often find that the “traditional funeral” is full of rites and traditions each of which has a very practical aspect when understood in its original context. So here we look at some of the funeral traditions we are often asked about and what their history is.

As with all things, funerals have changed but some of the customs remain. In centuries gone by, or perhaps even more recently, funerals were much more of a community occasion. Families lived in closer proximity, smaller rural communities were tightly bound by community spirit which has no doubt eroded as they turn into commuter belt housing estates.

Within traditional communities, several people would have taken their role after someone died. It was far more likely that someone would die at home in the past. It was also likely that their funeral would take place more quickly than we often see today. Three days seems to the be the traditional expectation. There were less choices to make and take time over. Keeping a deceased body at home for too long without modern funeral home facilities had its practical restrictions. We are still often asked to have someone “resting at home”, even though they may have died in hospital. In such cases, once someone is dressed and prepared in their coffin, we take their coffin to the home. (Access and health and safety need to be considered.)

Often a District Nurse would continue their duties with the “laying out” of the body, dressing, closing of eyes and mouth. This might have been a chargeable service. Then the local joiner would make a coffin – probably to measure. The modern funeral director is generally a progression of this joiner / coffin supplier role. Funeral vehicles which are now the remit of funeral directors would often have been operated by garages, taxi firms or other transport firms and hired out accordingly. In the last generation or so, these funeral cars came under the ownership and provision of funeral directors.

There has always been a need to spread the news that someone has died and that their funeral is to take place. Such news travels fast, however the printed press was and remains a key part of this. However, a note in various local shop windows was a quick and easy way to spread word of a pending funeral. In some communities this still happens, especially where the local paper is only printed once a week which would be too late for notification of many funerals.

Where church was at the heart of the community, the local parish minister or priest was the usual officiant for the funeral. Religious customs vary greatly. In some traditions, the funeral was and remains no occasion for reminiscing about the life story of the deceased but rather a time to pray for the deceased as the progress to life eternal. Other traditions may have seemed to afford a little more consideration to the survivors and their need to take stock of the life lost and be comforted in their grief.

Each denomination or religion will have its own ceremonial rites which vary greatly. Jewish and Muslim funeral traditions are dictated largely by speed. The sooner the deceased is buried in the ground, the sooner their soul can make it’s onward journey and the sooner the grieving relatives could begin their mourning rituals. In other cultures, the deceased is to be sent on their way with food and clothing for the next life.

Traditionally it was the men who took the coffin to the cemetery. Whether this was out of old school chivalry, or whether it was a practical division of duties, allowing the women to get back and line up the catering who knows. A social time with refreshments then allowed sympathy to be expressed and the community to be together.

In Scotland, we have a tradition of 8 members of the family (traditionally men), in order of precedence lowering the coffin into the grave with cords and tassels. If you went to a burial in England, the lowering of the coffin would be done by funeral bearers using straps rather than cords attached to the coffin.

After the coffin was lowered, it would have been covered with a lair of straw to protect it and dull the sound as the earth was put back into the grave. Now this function is served by a neat coffin mattress which we place over the coffin.

Funeral homes and rest rooms are a relatively new development which allow family to have a place their relative lies prior to the funeral. As mentioned above, historically someone would have remained in the family home, or been taken from hospital to church where they may have been viewed by family the night prior to the funeral.

In Aberdeen, our historic firm “Shore Porters” used to provide a service of coffin carrying whether from the house or church to the cemetery.

The advent of cremation took funerals away from the nature and earth of cemeteries to a clean inside environment. Often church service would and still do take place prior to cremation. However there was now one place where the whole service could be held. In keeping with the tradition of burial, the coffin at the crematorium would lower out of site at the end of the service representing the lowering into the grave. Interestingly, in Aberdeen Crematorium which has operated since the mid 1970s, the coffin has never moved. People often ask however about the coffin moving or being taken away. There had been curtains to enclose the coffin at the end of the service, but even these have now been removed. Previously at Kaimhill Crematorium, the coffin did lower out of site.

When the local joiner made a coffin to measure out of oak or mahogany boards, there was probably not much discussion about how it would look. Now however, coffins come in many styles and colours, including print wrapped coffins allowing you to have anything on it you wish. What is absolutely great and meaningful to one family may test the bounds of good taste for another family.

Flowers have always played a part at funerals. They bring a natural brightness to a sombre occasion, they may bring a fragrant smell and for some, they symbolise a life which has been cut from it’s root.

Funeral attire has traditionally been black, and still often is black as an expression of mourning. However it is not uncommon now to have families ask that bright colours be worn, or event team colours to reflect the deceased’s passion in life.

Previous articles have explored changing approaches but ongoing significance of funeral ceremonies and the increase in secular services. We have also looked at the increasing number of funerals which take place with no one attending.

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