Blog Post

Funerals during and since COVID

  • by M SHAW
  • 27 Jul, 2022

Reflecting on funerals during and since COVID - what have we learned? 

It can seem strange to sit and reflect back on the last 2 or so years.

In March 2020, the news broadcast images of Italian military lorries transporting deceased people who had died in the pandemic as the local funeral profession had crumbled both with the increased volume of deaths and sickness within their own teams.

While in disbelief that such a thing could happen in the North East of Scotland, as owner of a private funeral directors, I had to wander if such a thing could ever happen here.

How would we cope? what if we had no staff due to illness? what if we had deceased in our care but could not source coffins, nor book cremation times as quickly as we needed? What about the families of those whose deaths had nothing to do with COVID and expected our full usual services?

Things quickly changed and within days, we were officially in lockdown. Well, we along with the other essential workers continued on, completely unsure of what lay in store, unsure of the risks we faced daily as a certain amount of face to face contact had to continue.

Within 30 minutes of Boris Johnson’s lockdown announcement, we had families phoning in tears and panic. Funerals which had already been booked – would they be allowed to be there? We knew nothing more about the rules than had been broadcast by the BBC.

There were of course many variations in the rules, along with ongoing changes. During the height of restrictions, we conducted burials in at least seven Local Authority areas, and attended three different crematoria. Each had a different interpretation of the rules to contend with and explain to families.  I don’t believe the rules in our North East area were in any way compromised, however I do believe the people of the North East were thankfully afforded slightly more freedom and family choice within the confines of safety than in other areas where the restrictions seemed at times harsh. That said, a duty of care was owed to staff, and should a team of cemetery or crematorium staff have been forced into isolation, the implications could have been severe.

Staff safety had to play part of our own consideration. How do we work together while maintaining social distance? In a global shortage of PPE, where do we get what we need - and at what cost? We would never of thought someone could work from home in our business, but out of necessity, we had a home worker over night.

As with every sector of life which became restricted, to realise that funerals would not happen in any regular way for the foreseeable future seemed impossible. No gatherings of more than essential family, no family cars, and very little official guidance as to what was safe in terms of family visiting their loved ones at the funeral home.
 
The first response was that simple funerals will go ahead – and later perhaps in October / November (when we assumed everything would be back to “normal”) people would hold memorial services. The ceremony and paying of respects, the public grief and expressions of sympathy and support from friends would still happen.

However, as time moved on and normal seemed increasingly illusive, many people realised that their journey through grief had also moved on and the thought of going back to the type of ceremony that is planned in the early and raw days off loss seemed only to provide a way to reinvigorate the waves of grief.

While I know that many families have taken time to gather and remember, some in formal occasions – perhaps others making room in regular family life to honour those they have lost, the blanket provision of memorial services has never materialised and perhaps understandably so.

So how did people have “COVID funerals”?

Those who were afforded the opportunity to gather in small numbers probably had a far more personal family centred occasion than they might have had at a service with several hundred people. The support that comes from such a gathering can undoubtedly be a great comfort and allows the many people whose lives have been touched by a death to join together. But in some ways, this puts a different kind of pressure on family. To look after the mourners, to smile nicely to everyone and accept the many well intended condolences. To remain composed, dignified, and all the other things that some people think they ought to do and be at a funeral.

We had people in our chapel for private gatherings who privately broke their hearts. Some stood and spoke whether to the deceased or the small company with them with an honesty and clarity of expression which might have been masked in front of 200 hundred or so mourners from all walks of life. Other families laughed heartily as they informally shared stories, memories and jokes – perhaps joined on ZOOM (our new friend)

Of course, neither of these responses is prevented at a larger funeral. But sometimes a necessarily smaller gathering just gives the freedom to be more authentic and less inhibited at such a time.

Undoubtedly, with so many restrictions, for those who were able to view their loved one in our rest rooms, this was a particularly important opportunity – perhaps having not seen their relative for weeks in hospital or a care home.

Live streaming funerals pre-COVID would probably have been pushing at the bounds of taste for some – let alone doing a Facebook “live” from a funeral.  Yet with so many special people unable to be present, this became a new normal and indeed has continued to be a valuable aspect of many funerals. Families can be spread out nationally and internationally, older or frail relatives who cant travel are still able to join the proceedings.

Often we drove the hearse past family houses or places of note. The friends unable to attend the funeral within the capacity restrictions could come out and give their round of applause or pay their respects as they wished. Once we drove through a guard of honour formed by tennis rackets all raised in honour of the lost club member. Another occasion, as we approached the gathered crowned I was surprised to see how many people were holding up what I presumed to be phones to film or take pictures. As we got nearer, I realised they were holding up glasses to drink a toast as the hearse passed.

So many ways that regardless of restrictions, people found they could still say “this persons life mattered to me, I share in the sense of loss, and I extend my sympathy and condolences to their family who feel their loss most sorely as I honour the one who has died”.

We still see neighbours coming to door steps as our hearse leaves from a family home. We still benefit from streaming services to those who can’t be present. Funerals have returned pretty much to “normal”. For those who draw support from larger gatherings and bringing all concerned together – this is great. But for those who feel that really a smaller private occasion is more suitable, we have also learned that this too works well.

The height of COVID was undoubtedly devastating for many, although I don't believe we experienced it as badly in the North East of Scotland as we could have.  As the memory of this stressful time fades, lets be thankful that we have returned to a time when people can make the funeral choices which are right for them and their families.

During COVID, we got very used to doing a lot of our work by telephone or email and relying on providing information online.  Even the Registration of deaths became, and remains a telephone service without face to face appointments.  While we believe that face to face meetings with our bereaved families are the best options, there are several circumstances where it is beneficial to be able to offer a telephone / digital service to families. 

For further details about funeral arrangements of all types, please contact Mark Shaw Funeral Services day or night.

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Funeral customs and traditions vary greatly both over time and from region to region. Funeral traditions relate to many other studies in history, geography, religion and sociology. Even in Scotland, traditions and customs vary greatly from one end of the country to the next.

We often find that the “traditional funeral” is full of rites and traditions each of which has a very practical aspect when understood in its original context. So here we look at some of the funeral traditions we are often asked about and what their history is.

As with all things, funerals have changed but some of the customs remain. In centuries gone by, or perhaps even more recently, funerals were much more of a community occasion. Families lived in closer proximity, smaller rural communities were tightly bound by community spirit which has no doubt eroded as they turn into commuter belt housing estates.

Within traditional communities, several people would have taken their role after someone died. It was far more likely that someone would die at home in the past. It was also likely that their funeral would take place more quickly than we often see today. Three days seems to the be the traditional expectation. There were less choices to make and take time over. Keeping a deceased body at home for too long without modern funeral home facilities had its practical restrictions. We are still often asked to have someone “resting at home”, even though they may have died in hospital. In such cases, once someone is dressed and prepared in their coffin, we take their coffin to the home. (Access and health and safety need to be considered.)

Often a District Nurse would continue their duties with the “laying out” of the body, dressing, closing of eyes and mouth. This might have been a chargeable service. Then the local joiner would make a coffin – probably to measure. The modern funeral director is generally a progression of this joiner / coffin supplier role. Funeral vehicles which are now the remit of funeral directors would often have been operated by garages, taxi firms or other transport firms and hired out accordingly. In the last generation or so, these funeral cars came under the ownership and provision of funeral directors.

There has always been a need to spread the news that someone has died and that their funeral is to take place. Such news travels fast, however the printed press was and remains a key part of this. However, a note in various local shop windows was a quick and easy way to spread word of a pending funeral. In some communities this still happens, especially where the local paper is only printed once a week which would be too late for notification of many funerals.

Where church was at the heart of the community, the local parish minister or priest was the usual officiant for the funeral. Religious customs vary greatly. In some traditions, the funeral was and remains no occasion for reminiscing about the life story of the deceased but rather a time to pray for the deceased as the progress to life eternal. Other traditions may have seemed to afford a little more consideration to the survivors and their need to take stock of the life lost and be comforted in their grief.

Each denomination or religion will have its own ceremonial rites which vary greatly. Jewish and Muslim funeral traditions are dictated largely by speed. The sooner the deceased is buried in the ground, the sooner their soul can make it’s onward journey and the sooner the grieving relatives could begin their mourning rituals. In other cultures, the deceased is to be sent on their way with food and clothing for the next life.

Traditionally it was the men who took the coffin to the cemetery. Whether this was out of old school chivalry, or whether it was a practical division of duties, allowing the women to get back and line up the catering who knows. A social time with refreshments then allowed sympathy to be expressed and the community to be together.

In Scotland, we have a tradition of 8 members of the family (traditionally men), in order of precedence lowering the coffin into the grave with cords and tassels. If you went to a burial in England, the lowering of the coffin would be done by funeral bearers using straps rather than cords attached to the coffin.

After the coffin was lowered, it would have been covered with a lair of straw to protect it and dull the sound as the earth was put back into the grave. Now this function is served by a neat coffin mattress which we place over the coffin.

Funeral homes and rest rooms are a relatively new development which allow family to have a place their relative lies prior to the funeral. As mentioned above, historically someone would have remained in the family home, or been taken from hospital to church where they may have been viewed by family the night prior to the funeral.

In Aberdeen, our historic firm “Shore Porters” used to provide a service of coffin carrying whether from the house or church to the cemetery.

The advent of cremation took funerals away from the nature and earth of cemeteries to a clean inside environment. Often church service would and still do take place prior to cremation. However there was now one place where the whole service could be held. In keeping with the tradition of burial, the coffin at the crematorium would lower out of site at the end of the service representing the lowering into the grave. Interestingly, in Aberdeen Crematorium which has operated since the mid 1970s, the coffin has never moved. People often ask however about the coffin moving or being taken away. There had been curtains to enclose the coffin at the end of the service, but even these have now been removed. Previously at Kaimhill Crematorium, the coffin did lower out of site.

When the local joiner made a coffin to measure out of oak or mahogany boards, there was probably not much discussion about how it would look. Now however, coffins come in many styles and colours, including print wrapped coffins allowing you to have anything on it you wish. What is absolutely great and meaningful to one family may test the bounds of good taste for another family.

Flowers have always played a part at funerals. They bring a natural brightness to a sombre occasion, they may bring a fragrant smell and for some, they symbolise a life which has been cut from it’s root.

Funeral attire has traditionally been black, and still often is black as an expression of mourning. However it is not uncommon now to have families ask that bright colours be worn, or event team colours to reflect the deceased’s passion in life.

Previous articles have explored changing approaches but ongoing significance of funeral ceremonies and the increase in secular services. We have also looked at the increasing number of funerals which take place with no one attending.

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